I am really sorry for being away for so long, but the truth is that I couldn't find any inspiration on writing about this STEP 2. Many months passed since the STEP 1, I talked with so many of my girlfriends, I shared some tons of tips with them to help them through the hardships, so then I asked them if they could give me any ideas on what to write. To be honest, this break was essential for me too, as I had a lot of time to heal me and stand perfectly on my feet, so now I feel really healthy enough, to continue this journey here with you.
This article will examine the case of my friend-let's call her- Anna. So, in these months that we didn't catch up I was practically too busy supporting Anna to find back herself. Now that she is much better and stronger, she told me "Why don't you write a post on how can a girl be happy without depending on others"? That's a perfect topic, thanks for the idea Anna!
So, this is her case! Anna was always good shy girl, always focusing on how to be the perfect example for everyone (parents, teachers, etc.) Up until her 21, she hadn't experienced anything shockingly good in her life to shake her up, no adventure, no authentically astonishing people around, nothing to be passionate for. She just lived each day the same way, hanging with the same friends since forever, going to a uni she didn't like and all that stuff.
At 21, two things changed her life. Her first travel and her first astonishing man. Now listen, she had boyfriends before, but he was something else. He was her teacher (metaphorically), he brought her light, and knowledge, and thrill, and bad romance (it's a kind of romance against all odds, according to Lady Gaga), and his friendship, and his support... and damn! He was her saint, her angel or what? And then they split, and then they kept texting every day as friends, and then she fell off this pink sugary cloud of hers, where she had to go back to normal life. And boom! The old friends, uni, city were not enough any more, they were too crap for her, like a black hole absorbing her. She couldn't enjoy anything any more, she just wanted to go back to her happy place and reunite with this dude again! And then... this black hole started feeling a bit like depression, like the what am I doing now kind of thing. Where am I? Who am I? And blah blah blah. She was a stranger into her own world. She was afraid to move on, just because she was afraid of finding herself in an extraordinary experience again, that would have to end up abruptly like the last one. I mean what's the point of pure pure mother-fucking ultimate 100 per cent (ok you got it lol) happiness if it can't last rather but a tiny bit? So she preffered to go back to hide into her comfort zone, ah so much drama!
And then guess what happened, the dude moved on with a new girl and she was going deeper and deeper into the black hole until she was almost vanished. So what was really her problem? Hmm, the problem was that she didn't have the balls to define her own happiness, and she was letting facts, people, fate, to take her into their flow.
When she was going through all that, I have to say that it was a great period for me so I was basically trying to show her what I was doing right in my life, in order to hopefully transmit her some more healthy and dynamic example of self-care and self-love. Thank God I managed to influence her (it was very hard cs she wouldn't listen) and now she is still alive, and she didn't kill herself bcs of a dude lol. That's a joke, she wouldn't go so far, but she was threatening us sometimes.
So what did I do, and tell her, in order to make her depend more on her self?
- Good things are still happening in the present. You can be in a party full of people and be blinded, only thinking of the parties you used to have in that past short period, in that cool place with your cool guy, but you will miss out all the fun that we are having here.
- Screw everyone who is trying to keep you in boudaries, you are an adult, you live your own life, make your fucking protests, end of story!
- If you want to revive this kind of pure hapiness, then start making new plans, in order to have new things to look for. This travel will always remain the best stage in your life, only if you don't have a next and a next and a next one. Be a rolling stone, never stay too long in one place, don't allow yourself to get bored and miserable, don't be afraid to go out of Plato's cave again, don't be afraid to witness again the Light, don't be afraid that its brightness will brind you again. The more you keep going out of the cave, the more will get used to it. And day after day, the cave will disappear, bcs you won't have any more dark days.
- He's just a dude, girl! Are you serious? Next!
- The problem is not even the dude, is that you never believed in you and that you would make it on your own.
- Do what you wanna do! Let your instict drive you! The deep you knows perfectly the next big thing that can make you happy. Let it lead you.
- Fill in your time only with enjoyable things. If you are doing things on purpose, just because someone forces you, you will only be distracted for a while but never fulfilled.
- You can even be silly sometimes. Who said that everything in life needs to have a purpose? Why so many young people like fooling around? Because it's fun, it's superficial, and you don't give a lot of your energy. You are just enjoying, but you don't get attached. You use and you are used. And this can be applied to many things in life. Example: You meet a new gang of friends, you chill, you go out, you do stuff together, you will probably don't stick together for long, but this won't make you sad, as you are just enjoying and passing time when you are around them. AND THAT'S BLOODY OK! You don't need to always look for something to attach to.
- Never give up on your dreams. There is no happier sensation in this world, than when you make them happen! They can recompensate all of your sorrows overnight. So this makes you your own healer basically.
- Never ever ever spend a day in your life, no matter how shitty day it is, where you won't be trying the best possible for you! You always, unstoppably, with no excuses have to do what's right for you! For your health, your mind, your soul, your goals, your ideal future... Never give up on yourself. If you don't take care of you no one will. Each day, no matter how hard you fall, no matter how hard you cry, DON'T GIVE UP ON YOUR VISION!
Today Anna received a text from the dude (no kidding) after a long period of his absence and silence. Anna knows that if she starts a conversation with him, she will feel awful, bcs she will feel like missing him and all that stuff, and all the good work that she has done so far will go down the drain. So she will not respond at all. She will spend her time doing something more useful, on whatever she decides. Good job girl, I am so fucking proud of you!
PS: You can give me your ideas too on, firstname.lastname@example.org